Richard Cao

Winter Vacation, by my sister Victoria (translated from Chinese by the author)


This winter holiday is coming to the end. I began to think what I did for our heavenly father,whether I made progress in Christ, whether I grew up in Him and what I have learnt during the holiday.

About ten days ago, I talked with one of brothers about this. I told him I didn�t do very well for the Lord this winter holiday. Yes ,I served the LORD,I prayed, I read the Bible,I brought gospel to others,I never missed the family meetings and I went to church regularly. But it seemed I still stayed at the original place. I am like a glass of lukewarm water, neither too hot nor too cold.I didn�t think I had lived a life that Lord hopes me to live.I did not grow up at all!

Actually,my heart was not peaceful in Christ.I can not escape from my desires. I always made the same mistakes again and again.I kept asking the Lord to give me what I shouldn�t have.I clearly knew that this was not correct, but I still did that. I always focus on what I haven�t got but ignore what the Lord had given me.

At the moment,I said this to him: I felt guilty and my heart was painful. One time a pastor said to us: sometimes we sin. The reason is not that Satan attacks us but because of ourselves. I think it is true.

At the moment I said this to Him: I felt guilty and my heart was painful. And I didn�t realize that at the same time, Lord had known how puzzled I was and he had begun to lead me.Although it was already the end of winter holiday, my life in Christ began to change.

The first day of Spring Festival was Sunday. My mum and I went to church as usual. But that day was special for our family. My grandmother went to heaven in April last year. Our Chinese tradition is the family should commemorate the dead family members during Spring Festival. My grandma is a Christian so we needn�t burn joss sticks as other people. We went to church at the first day of Spring Festival.You know ,I love my grandma very much and I often miss her. At this moment I can not help crying, but Lord comforts me every time.

I know my grandma is in Heaven now but I am not sure  whether she can see me from Heaven, if she knows what I am doing on the earth, if she knows I miss her very much, and if she is praying for me?

I didn�t have any answer to these questions. In the morning of the first day of Spring Festival, I went to the same church that I came with my grandma when I was a little girl. After the pastor�s sermon,we sang a song in the end. I was shocked that the song was just the one I sang with my grandma the last time we came to the church together many years ago. The song was �God will take care of you.�I was about 13 years old at that time. And I was naughty. I didn�t like to go to church at that time.I didn�t realize I should come to the Lord unil my grandma went to church. I regretted I had been away from him for such a long time�But I knew He is never away from me! See, we sang this song again! Even I became a Christian after my gradma went to heaven, I had sung a lot of other songs. But I didn�t sing this song once. I nearly forgot this most impressing song I sang with my gradma.But the Lord made me sing it again on such a special day. With tears in eyes, I could see the smile of Lord and the smile of my grandma. It seemed my grandma was sitting near me. Just like the song says�No matter when God will look after you,no matter where God will look after you��This reminds me that even during the time I didn�t believe him, he still looked after me in every minute and everywhere I went.No matter how bad I was,he never gives me up although I didn�t realize that at all.

But I understand him now. And all the question above are answered now.

I can not describe God�s love and mercy by language but only gratitude.

Further more, I should give more thanks to the Lord because several days later, my father told us he accepted God and he said there should be 3 conditions for a man to be called a humanbeing,that is � a soul, one conscience , and belief in God.� No one taught him! And he told us a testimony which made my mum and I shocked! He kept it for such a long time! Maybe he was afraid that will make us feel scared or more sad or we will think that was his hallucination. But now he began to know God and eternal life. And he is sure that was not Hallucination. So he told us. On the day of funeral, all the family member and pastor and sisters and brothers from  church took part in it. Because my father is the elderest son of my grandma so he stood anteriorest to my grandma. He said my grandma was just like sleeping and the color of her face was beautiful. But singularity happened when the pastor led sisters and brothers singsongs. He saw my grandma�s face became red and red. It seemed my grandma would get up! He couldn�t believe his eyes! But he wasn�t sure if he should tell all of us about this.

So,do we have any reasons to refuse to praise how great God is?

It happened within two weeks from my complains that I didn�t grow up in Christ to my eperience of God�s love and teaching. This time the Lord heard me and he commiserated me. Every time I stand up or I grow up does not rely on myself but on Him.I was too weak and headstrong.But He proves every word of Bible in my real life.

Thank the LORD! My benefit is not out of you!


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